End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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