so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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