We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
