i just wanna soil my oats bro
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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