Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
