Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
