to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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