All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
