Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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