I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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