My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
