They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
