my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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