I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
