btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
