I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
