I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
