Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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