she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
