Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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