How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
