I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
