i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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