He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
