Whod you bang
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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