A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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