My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Boobs speak an international language.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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