break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
