I think my vagina is haunted
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
