you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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