No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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