I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
