Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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