Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
