if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pappa wants mamma naked
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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