This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
