He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
