2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
