Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
