Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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