Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
