I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
