We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
