guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
