He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
