it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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