why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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