he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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