Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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