Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
