Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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