so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
