never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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