Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize