Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
