I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
