drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
