conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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