I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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