Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
smell my finger.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
