it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
