I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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