I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize