He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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