i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
