Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize