Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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