Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize