He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
