It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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