How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
