is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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