brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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