well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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