ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
