Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
