You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
