Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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