How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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