Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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