sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All the doctor said was why
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
