Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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