dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My bed smells like the plague
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
